It was a long winding road and I see myself far, far away from where I have been. I cannot even remember how I got to where I am, forgot it deliberately perhaps and the things and experiences I’ve been through. I am still young but I felt like I have been to many ages. I have searched thru time the core knowledge of existence, the purpose of life, the preamble why I live. I’ve tried reading, watching, listening to what the world can offer and gained different ideas that encompasses to what I believe in now. All mixed up that I know what is right and wrong now, and so I hope. I have not fulfilled it yet, I haven’t even reached it, nor fathomed it. But all I know is I’m getting there.
I did not live a perfect life. I am a normal human being battling the circumstances of an imperfect world. I have met different types of people-friends and enemies. People who are essential to one’s growth. I have planned to build a character entire to my own even unfathomable but to me alone. I have my own castle that I permit only a few to enter. Of course, I deem myself a better person than the one I’m in front of. I am perhaps narcissistic because I am an only child and that’s how psychology explains it. I am a loner. Although, I also enjoy other people’s company. I say I’m extreme. I understand myself better than what’s written in books. But I guess I have written a story that a few people can understand and that I made enemies unintentionally. Enemies I say, though the word seems so extreme for me. People who are out of my preference, patience and indulgence. And I pose a different character to each different type. I am moody and one thing distinct about me is that I have a strong disposition and pride. I cannot bend to those that offend me. I fight for my right. I don’t want to be disturbed. I don’t want to be just being passed by. I don’t offend but I cannot be offended. I don’t like fighting but I swear to retaliate if I am degraded. I don’t hate but I care less if I am hated. I am not great but I don’t like a low life and narrow thinking. I could be stupid but I hate stupidity. I don’t like mingling with people who can only think of the average. I don’t want to be cheap.
As I look back on my past self, I never thought that I was building a demi-god inside of me. I was being self-righteous, self-sufficient, self-centered. I was unaffectionate despite my seemingly love for “love”. I have detached myself from all people and things I deemed unnecessary. And so Jesus encountered me. It was Him who has reminded me that He alone is God. He gave me experiences that get me back to my knees, to kneel before one true God who has all the power and glory. I never understood humility and how I could think myself less than others. That thought hurts me a lot. It was nerve-wrecking and I could not think of ways how to demonstrate it. Me? Shut up when I know I’m right? No way, high way. But then, I thank God for giving me the grace to open my eyes to things that I could not see.
The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honor is humility. Proverbs 15:33
How could you be honourable when you are humble? I guess celebrities, politicians, businessmen, and the like poses a strong character that was short of humility. They are pompous in their ways and have the superior life. I want that kind of life. But then again, the Lord reminded me that the world’s definition of honor is way too different than what He means to be humble and honorable. Honor means a good name, without tarnish or decorations; or a reputation whose worth brings respect or fame. It is an evidence or symbol of distinction. An evidence. It means that your life can guarantee a show of integrity, honesty and uprightness. It is not based on what you have, or your money in the bank, or what you can or cannot do. It is based entirely on the grace of God that you can fulfill His will in your life and you can stand up straight, confident that what you do every day is purposeful and honoring to God. It is not you who brings back the honor, but only Him deserves power and praise.
For whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted. Matthew 23:12
I was very competitive in my youth even until now. I am an achiever and I enjoy a healthy competition. Not only it motivates me as I’m very lazy but I like that others are also exerting so much effort for whatever reason they have. I don’t need to brag about my achievements but I recognize the power of God in my life so I could do more for His name. Just that sometimes, it’s hard not to get the credit like in your work place where you aren’t recognize for all your efforts but the one lazy fella gets the merits he doesn’t deserve. Talking about unfair, right? So then, God is the judge who has seen all things and He is just and not biased with His verdict. I would just focus on my own productivity so that when I meet my Creator, He will tell me that I have done well as a faithful servant. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. 1 Peter 5:6
In this grandiose world, where bright, famous and sparkling things get the attention, it is hard to get noticed. Where affection, attention and love is hard-earned, one would really strive to shine even to the extent of darkest means.
And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Philippians 2:8
We have the perfect example of true honor and humility. The King above all kings came down to earth, became a man, suffered the rebuke of immortals whose worth is as the ants. How can a King so humble himself even to the death of the cross, taking the shame for my blame? And yet, He had demonstrated what I could not do. The death of the cross in Golgotha is like lethal injection or electric chair in this era. Only those who are convicted of crime get to prison and die for their sins. And yet, Jesus was blameless and white as snow. He was holy and righteous that He could just wipe out the whole world for its sins. But being obedient unto the Father, he subjected unto His will and gave His life for us. We deserve to be nailed on that cross, not Him. He, a King and Lord of lords was a precedent of humility that who am I not to do what He did. God is still on the process of transforming myself. I am not yet perfect and I know that there are many times that I have not humbled myself and deep in my heart I would like to retaliate or stand up for my own right. But humility is a matter of the heart. He search much deeper within if you have humbled yourself in front of the Lord, repented of your sins, and accepting that without Him, you will not be able to do anything. In fact, without His grace, you cannot humble yourself. Humility is asked and then demonstrated upon receiving it. Not in the sense of bowing our heads in front of all people but placing others in front of ourselves. Jesus thought of us instead of his Lordship. Humility is a prominent Christian grace, a state of mind well pleasing to God (1 Peter 3:4); it preserves the soul in tranquility (Psalms 69: 32-33), and makes us patient under trials (Job 1:22).
Being self-centered, Jesus has revolutionized my way of thinking. It is not about me but it’s about Him. Not about what I can do but about what He did. Not what I have because He had me first. In this life’s journey, I hope to finish the race with achievements brought by the grace of God. So live more, do more, achieve more for His glory.