A friend recently asked for advice and prayers about a guy who seemed to like her. She doesn’t really like him but she likes his company. Sometimes, the law of attraction is really undefined that there’s a thin line between standards and emotions. He’s good looking but he’s a bum, or he’s rich but a mama’s boy, or she’s really nice but I don’t like her hair. The list goes on why you like a person and why you don’t. And with cases which involves someone’s belief system, compromise is the common name of the game.
I’ve heard several stories where a man or a woman changed his or her religion just because their partner requires them to or else they would break up, or for others they just love the other person so much they’re not willing to part even to the point of abandoning their own beliefs.
As shallow as it may seem, there are are more varied reasons why people “in love” do this. Nonetheless, they lose focus on what truly matters in a relationship.
Common question that gets asked of me is that why I’m still single when all my friends have been busy building their own families. Sometimes, I just don’t like to answer the question anymore because it takes a lot more reasons than just one. A woman can only wait for the man who chooses to lay down his intentions than telling the world she’s single and available. It takes more faith to be single and still be happy enjoying her season. I’d rather wait than rush and meet a guy who doesn’t embody my ideals. I am not looking for an ideal guy. Not even “the one”. No good girl does that. Because she knows that there’s no such thing. He’s the one when he has laid down his intentions to marry you and you consented to marry him for more reasons than just you love him.
So how would you get your brain to decide when your heart wants to feel all these rush of emotions and just want to go all out with this man or woman?
- Know your standards. Yes, there’s such thing as negotiables vs. non-negotiables in choosing a partner. 2 Cor. 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
This is so hard to accept for some because at the moment, they are overwhelmed by their present emotions. God would not have said this if He did not see in His manifold wisdom that there is no good in uniting dark and white. Some may argue: I can still convert him/her. I might even bring him/her to know Christ. As valid as it may seem, that’s not really your goal right now. It is still a selfish reason so you can validate your relationship with him/her. While it is true that you can bring him/her to church, but if pleasing you rather than pleasing God is his/her intention in going to church, that relationship is bound for chaos. It’s also not in your hands whether that person will change or not.
- Maintain your standards. You are worth every man or woman because you are a child of God. You are a princess or a prince bought with a price. Will you let a common man rule with you in the kingdom? “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?” Luke 6:39.
This is not to underrate the non-believers but it takes God’s understanding and great faith for you to fathom your worth in Christ. For if you do not understand your calling, how can you lead others to Christ? You will both be swayed in your beliefs because your foundations are shaky.
- Pray for someone who can grow with you. “He is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” Psalm 1:3
Our life is being likened to a tree because we grow. Surely you don’t want your tree to remain midget and not bear fruit. A tree that doesn’t grow or that doesn’t bear fruit is useless. It’s not even aesthetically or practically beautiful. When you find someone who can walk alongside you in your walk with Christ, won’t that journey make it more delightful? The Lord promises prosperity for those who grow in Him.
- Seek God first before you seek someone else. Are you happy being single or are you feeling entitled to have a partner? Are you growing in your relationship with God or you’re too focused in looking for a partner you have forgotten your purpose in life? He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Eccl. 3:11
It’s God’s desire for you to be happy and it takes more than just being in a relationship. He created Eve for Adam so he can have someone to co-labor with him, eat with him, pray with him. He created the beautiful Garden of Eden for them to appreciate and experience the beauty of God. Seek His beauty. There is beauty in waiting. God is beautiful. And you are beautiful.
- Pray for the person who personifies your standards. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Sometimes, the reason why we don’t pray for a partner is because we are ashamed that God will laugh at us for praying for such a shallow thing. What we don’t know is that it is the most important thing to do while waiting. Being in a relationship is a major milestone and decision you will ever have to face. I am not talking about fling or whatever quick, ridiculous attachment you might think of. God knows who you need and who would need you. In His boundless sovereignty, He has already written a love story just for you. You just have to pray for it and be so close to God so He can reveal His will to you. It needs a closer range for you to hear His whisper.
No matter how you like a person, if he or she is not someone from God, you will not experience the beauty of the relationship. You might brag in front of people that you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend but you cannot brag him/her in front of God.